When we do this, we limit ourselves and we create an environment prone to failure. It is human nature to project our best selves to people, because we seek positive reinforcement. And before we commit, we only see the good in us, and every bad, we make excuses for.
But the truth of the matter is, the true nature of man does not spring from texts and social media kisses or frequent visits to a restaurant or movies. Till you find yourself with someone, with nothing but yourselves, in a legal bond, where responsibility comes before anything, you will never know who a person truly is.
How many times have you wanted something so bad, and the moment you got it, it became insignificant. The new phone you bought, sleeping next to it the first few days only to carelessly throw it about a few weeks later?
Love is quite complicated. We love different people for different reasons, and one thing we find attractive in one could absolutely repulse us from another.
Before we commit, we should be about fixing ourselves, to have the qualities we seek in another. And instead of actively looking for someone, let it happen, only as it is meant to be.
Before we commit, make sure we know the difference between material things and what is soulful. Falling in love with someone for their character, for knowing we both can learn and improve each other.
And no, this does not mean neglecting the material things at all, they matter as well. But when we seek for something in someone, it will be in our interest to seek something that goes beyond the surface before anything.
We can like someone the first day we meet them, we can can become fond of people within months, but how do we know that we truly love someone?
Honesty. Patience. After we have seen each other for who we truly are, and we remain fond of each other, after we have shown our limits and our differences as people and we still like each other... Then maybe there is something worth pursuing.
Perhaps we have reduced relationships and love to physical attraction/connectivity, but true love goes beyond that. True love consists of a lot of things that have sadly become secondary.
True love is trust, belief, encouragement, support, care, true love is being able to discuss critical issues about life, concerning you and the world at large. It is being able to share responsibility, being able to work towards something great together. True love is noticing flaws in your partner's character and finding non-hostile, creative ways of fixing them.
Love is not easy, it is not easily defined, it is not easily realised. Before you commit to anyone, know that they tick the most important boxes for you. And if they do, be true to it, and work on building yourselves.
In today's society, all the negative aspects of love and relationships are widely celebrated. To be cool, you have to be around all the men/women you can get your hands on, you have to be rude to people, you have to be bad basically. But you have to realise that the people you are trying to impress could care less and probably won't be there when your life turns to shit.
Always seek to improve yourself, not to impress others: Especially when it comes to important things like your wellbeing and love toward others.
Do things for your benefit, and when you find someone you like, don't let the superficial things deceive you, make sure they have most of the qualities you believe you deserve. Forget about societal expectations, find what works for you and carefully build yourselves.
If you truly love someone, then I guess it's not what they have, or the spelling of their name or the time it takes for you to get together. If you truly love someone, it is the patience to understand each other, to know each other better. It is the trust you have in each other, and the support you provide each other, the connection you have that goes deeper than surface: these things are what truly matter.
In essence, the realisation that soulful things are primary and material things secondary will maybe give you a better understanding of how love truly works. And with this, you will maybe be able to better understand what your feelings truly are toward the people you meet in life.
